Thanksgiving Misgivings

     A foam football soaks in the deep end of a leafy pool as my nephews and I precariously reach for it the fifth time. Various sports fill every corner of a 100" screen and the pie table nearby sees early action before dinner is served. Kids young and old congregate before a Toy Story marathon to hear the rules for a new board game. Newlyweds share stories with family eager to support them as they breach new territory in need of wisdom. Grandpa makes the announcement and everyone shuffles out to the lawn for a photo before dusk. Perched again on the pool's edge I wonder how many of these I'll take alone. I see my siblings and cousins pair up year after year through this lens. With the frame always expanding to accommodate I shout directions so the tiny faces in the back don't block themselves behind big hair and cousins who've grown too tall for the front row.
   
     On the drive to Simi Valley my mind wanders back to previous photographs. We've seen some come and go, insets made for those who couldn't be there. Small ones fill in the gaps between us and Facebook wonders who to tag. I've seen longtime standers graduate to a chair and little new-comers stand on their own for the first time. My family is changing rapidly and it's harder and harder to find myself kneeling in the front row solo, but that's where I am. When I first moved to Burbank after graduation I couldn't relate to new friends who said LA was a lonely city or the friendsgiving families who couldn't drive an hour home as I could. With time I've grown to understand and the stretch from Halloween to New Years now seems to last longer than the rest of the year.

     Years transform families and as they fray and refresh we begin to see what makes our own unique. Love seems to work well if growth is the goal and judgement also very effective when looking to divide. How family is defined for me also changes every year. When I was young I thought it meant one thing and as an adult that became less important to me. My own life and career took precedent pushing family into holiday boxes where I could check in once in a while. The definition is changing again and I don't know what it means right now, but I can't wait to take next year's picture.

Nobody Relates Anymore, They Never Did.

    Hey everybody. Sorry about that break. When you step outside and ask yourself what today has to offer, it's reasonable to assume you should've had a plan before leaving home. The name of the game is game plan and what we really reject upon first sight isn't features or forthcoming details begging for our refusal, the first thing we see is whatever we want to see. Whoever you're intrigued by is a product of your own imagination. I'm not bringing this from some misguided place of pondering but the honesty it takes to exclude myself from the equation. When you begin to recognize that everyone brings a backstory and yours is only a diversion, you're ready to meet someone where they're at. The problem is he or she is likely in another place of their own device. I wish I could ignore our current political climate but it illustrates the point beyond anything more familiar.

     So many close to me felt the surge of adrenaline and abrupt confusion brought on by the fact that losing feels more significant than any of the previous victories. Liberal fears of a mysteriously uncouth candidate elect should stir the conservative bones in everybody bent on denying the leadership thoughts in minds of men even half as hateful. Unfortunately our fears and confusions result in chaos and what you see makes more sense than what you cannot. I have no hope to offer my fearful friends, the time is to be better spent with fools now, too excited to see their pull may be thwarted by simple suggestion. As strange as it sounds I do encourage it though, the dice occasionally fall in favor of the wicked and more often when support comes from the well intentioned right. 

     Many plan for heavy drinking and short term goals of denying reality. These are well to be planned as weekend distractions but work will come soon. If you spend your life searching for someone like you, you'll find yourself in a world unrelatable. Your own ideas will bend to accommodate the averages around you. I'm not suggesting conflict but rather accepting it and want to encourage the dating to stand firm in your beliefs. No one wants to fall in love only to find you voted for a monster.