Doggie Dating: Part 1

     Though feeding, walking and poop scooping for another creature forces one to break out of selfish tendencies, it doesn't mean you'll naturally want to apply those considerations to someone else. Generally I live by the rule that a dog should be too big to fit it's entire body inside a purse. But ladies seem to be carrying larger bags these days and dog and rat breeds appear to have blended. I suppose there are advantages to using a hamster wheel for their daily walk but the oddest thing about accessory dogs is how they reflect on their owners.

     She swore she had friends but I never met a single one of them. Our conversation topics included football and her rat dog so it could've worked had we lasted until preseason. Unfortunately the headlines were just too thin to stay away from constant thoughts of Fluffy and her dietary restrictions.  What I really noticed from this was how we like to take something outside of us, our dog, job, a conflict and use it to mask the fact that we're still talking about ourselves.

     After long days I struggle to have a selfless attitude on a 3am walk around the neighborhood but my pup and step counter remind me why it's good to serve something outside myself. Unfortunately that really doesn't translate to other relationships without a focused effort. Too often I've been the center of my conversations, directing them where I want instead of listening and allowing the people I care about to share what's on their hearts and minds. Paola is still a puppy and learning to listen to me and follow commands. Soon she'll know I'm serious when I tell her not to run from me or lovingly leap at the elderly, but I have work to do too and no training excuses to hide behind.

Workplace Romance

     A long time ago in a Panavision building since demolished to make room for fancy modern art style condos, I learned the reason corporations value office relationship disclosures. There was no steamy supply closet rendezvous or googly eyes across the shipping dock for me but the understanding that becoming too comfortable with someone in the workplace can take a destructive turn in sync with the relationship's end. Unfortunately a full time job in entertainment breaches 60 hours per week as a standard, leaving time for little to no extra curricular flirtations. Meeting someone you're interested in away from the workplace is like trying to be chivalrous by holding a revolving door open.

     Neigh-sayers be dammed, if a farmer finds his wife working with her hands in the fields beside him or an attorney meets her husband scouring police reports in a lonely hall of records, they know immediately the caliber of their partner in terms they understand. Dan told me nervously about his set crush as if putting it in words was drafting a letter of resignation. But the magic of cold beer at the end of a long day makes secrets impossible and I couldn't help but encourage him to pursue his boss. As a PA on set it's easier to convince the sun to rise for one more take than to find someone who you don't take orders from. He never blamed me when she stopped calling him for work because he understood the risks, and when did love become something safe? To chance your heart with someone else is noble and very often folly, but to take the same gamble with a person who doesn't understand the travel, long hours and constantly changing political games is often worse.

You Must Workout

     Short of breath in a sweat stained rag I stumbled up the last dirt steps and looked down at Hollywood, still wholly unimpressed by my meager efforts. She rejects thousands of 10s every day left to wander the valley in search of a non-industry friend to reinspire them. But while the casting couch fits all sizes, the odds are naturally weighted to favor the fit where dating is concerned. Kate joined me a minute later unfazed by the incline, her lean physique at home with the other hikers training for their close ups.

     Short sleeves showcased her artwork. The type of art people wear who are confident they can keep up a tight canvas of skin for years to come. We enjoyed the slopes in single file solitude and after her rigid regimen wouldn't flex to accommodate lunch and a chance to get to know each other. Active lifestyle means many things depending who you ask. To some it's wandering 24 Hour Fitness in search of machines to rest on and to others it means three daily workouts and a monthly triathlon. Whatever your fitness level may be its a significant part of your lifestyle, who you attract and who you'll make time for.

     Short lived as my crush was, it forced me to recognize and accept my own PT priorities. It's easy to confuse personal goals and an inflated view of oneself for reality but lifestyle is impossible to disguise and shouldn't be. After shooting a documentary that included covering an ironman athlete through his return to the race, I was inspired to see size has little to do with the passion behind fitness. Though a person's physicality is an obvious attractor, their passion and dedication toward it or toward any priority is paramount.
   

Cali Curfew

     Somehow working late enjoys the company of missed social gatherings. Typically these days are Fridays or "Fraturdays" and the schedule always seems harmlessly accommodating for after work activities. Inevitably the post lunch lag gangs up with unforeseen delays to threaten that birthday bash you excitedly "maybed" on Facebook weeks ago. As hours slip away and Google maps turns bloodshot with traffic alerts it becomes clear you'll be work clad and late if only the day ends now. So why in a city stretched with Inland Emperors parked along the 210 till eight and free-range work hours do we limit our gatherings to mirror prime time tv?

     One sixth of each day we maintain our states color with premature last calls and locked liquor cases. Between two and six California is a dry state, prompting bar and restaurant closures and flooding the roads with irresponsible Uber dodgers to share the lanes with thousands of Cal Trans workers. By the time you fight through the end of rush hour and cross town to pass that lot-less dive bar it's closing on 11pm. Another twenty minutes to park and walk finds you shoulder to shoulder with the weekend crowd as you tag face after face looking for one familiar. When you find the remaining core group composed of childless singles and non-mutual friends a quick round of small talk sends you back through the hoard in search of that first drink just before midnight.

     We fall short of Japan's devastating work ethic and relish the rest of a Spanish siesta, leaving us with mediocrity in work and at play. After the long hours is a suspended hope for respite, the chance to see friends, meet someone or plan a date. Maybe I'm too much of a night owl or my callsheet dependent internal clock keeps me out of the nine to five routine, but I don't think an extra hour on the weekends slopes to Sodom. So if you're one of my friends and your game night is winding down, I'm excited and bringing beer, but also probably in traffic about 20 minutes out.

Venues On the Menu

   Los Angeles has too many options. You can fake your art history knowledge at the Getty, hike to the falls in Malibu and overdose on roses at the Pasadena Tournament House all in one day barring a presidential visit. Across the 4700 square miles of LA county never darkening the same door twice is possible but lacks the charm of a Cheers style welcome. Though breaking up routines and exploring new haunts can be the answer to meeting someone new or at least finding a cool place to take them.

    Squeezing through the dark passage I could smell more than see in the dimly lit Harvard and Stone. By the time I reached the bar I'd passed a sweaty bouncer on his third shift, two gentlemen experimenting with the proper amount of Axe body spray (zero fellas) and the sterilized reminder of a drunk's failure to reach the bathroom the night before. Three scans of the cocktail menu allowed my eyes to adjust but it was clear I'd struggle to properly identify faces here.

     Days earlier I had the chance to explore the place in daylight while working on a commercial and I returned for the promise of live music. Electronic shrieks and whines exploded off the stage at first reminding me why admission was free, but a variety of styles soon left my ears relieved and ringing. I love places like this for my own sake but details are important when taking a girl out. Finding somewhere fun where you can speak over the din can be as rare as a bar in Silverlake without PBR. Something about screaming in my date's ear to ask a question as the music cuts out doesn't sound appealing, but then again there are only so many naked statues one can appreciate before craving some nightlife.

Ghosting is No Goodbye

     Four weeks, three binge-watched dramas and plans to spontaneously weekend in Cancun later, his last text said "cool" and then nothing. Aimee tried not to read too much into it because her yoga mates shared their frustration over similar shenanigans, but how much time spent can justify feelings for someone? How many In-N-Out shakes and trivia Tuesday's does it take before we can stop behaving like emotionless sociopaths prepared to never see or hear from them again, seemingly at random?

     Unfortunately ghosting is a two-sided coin, where a false detection of character may be as much to blame as disrespectful goodbyes. Texting someone your perfectly garnished omelet and twelve shockingly specific emojis can suspend the illusion that a relationship exists when really he can't remember your name. Is Verizon truly the bar for deciding how close you are to someone?

     Most haunted ends to promising partnerships stem from their electronic origins. Bumbling across your dream date in a bathroom stall is rarely an isolated occurrence no matter how romantic it may seem. Just as you've matched with multiples, so she has too. Just as you've commented on her hometown of Seattle only to be reminded she's from Maine, she's done the same for another one of her matches. The shotgun approach to courting ensures nothing can be personal until it exists offline. If your interest disappears into cyberspace he was always a ghost, but transparency is easily masked through text.

Tinder: Part 2

   Insisting we meet before exchanging numbers, she left me refreshing the app to see how long I'd be anticipating an awkward hug from a complete stranger. Just a month ago I'd been at the same Aroma cafe table waiting to meet someone who would reach out days later to apologize for not showing up. Again I found myself double checking profile pictures against every brunette through the door before she rushed in scanning. Repeating her name in my head for the last ten minutes prepped me to say hello for the first time only to be corrected on my pronunciation.

     Stories of mismatches, pen pals disappointing in person and fake phone calls tried to derail my confidence. Many still support the stigma of online dating, leaving the beta generation no choice but to triumph it's brave new opportunities. To admit defeat and circle the copious flaws associated, offers little sympathy from the doubters. Any relationship regardless of its origins will have defects. Though a certain pressure for success seems to loom when love springs from synchronized thumbs swiping in the night.

     A manufactured connection as it was could thrive on chemistry alone or fizzle in the banalities of getting acquainted. Most things are beyond our control and the person who catches our eye is no exception. Failing to remember this fact due to the ease of stumbling upon their profile, will set you up for an outing as two-dimensional as the airbrushed headshot that brought you there. Finding the one could be a swipe away but relating to someone takes work and there's no app for that yet.

   

Parents Date Too

     Speaking softly created a false sense of intimacy as did visiting her home after one date. We shared mostly our desires to learn guitar and shortlist a couple go-to cocktails. Accustomed to hosting as I was, it felt comfortable and rewarding to be offered what little food she had, Mac and cheese leftovers with hotdog slices in every bite. Scanning the bathroom for a hand towel, I caught batman's fraying bristles and Donald Duck bunched on the rack behind me. Simple thoughts of my own childhood creeped out from the toys and tear-free shampoos reminding me how far I'd come and how close her son was down the hall.

   Her attention to me was endearing, though I knew at best it could only ever be divided. Some friends struggle to adjust when a new member robs the focus their companion had given from the start. Here it was a known quantity and the shock was immediate. I wish I could say we had the same chance any other relationship does, only here I'd consider more than a new girlfriend. From day one, family was the topic and commitment the question.

    Then there are some whose children have grown. A vacant nest suggests freedom to the ambivalent, but impressions left can weigh heavier than a bird in hand. His daughter was grown and independent but her DUI incurred financial pressures and the occasional sabbaticals in jail weigh on a father in ways unseen. At the end of it all a child is too often the last to be considered and the first to be affected.

Never Say Break Up

     As the song wails, it's "hard to do" but most strive to make breaking up more difficult than it has to be. The words themselves somehow possess a bitter flavor, leaving heartbreakers hankering for turndowns with a less transparent taste. Cutting to the point feels crass, like the time you repeated a joke and regrettably realized it was racist. Instead we dance around them like a campfire, simultaneously attracted and repelled by self preserving instincts. Though as much as closing the bathroom door fixes a flooding toilet, declining to say the words can escalate matters and leave you apologizing for someone else's crap.

     Surrounded by lush green jungle perpetually awaiting rain, we rehearsed our scene. An entire world away my thoughts had missed the flight, arrested by someone left behind and then my family as we mourned the passing of our patriarch. Working in sweat and sun with constant efforts to communicate beyond my means it proved impossible to think beyond the day. Soon home felt more like a memory repressed. Returning to find ends left untied and a heart grown fonder, reinforced in me the value of communicating with finality.

     Direct and confident people are scarce here. It's not easy being honest in a city that so often promotes pretenders. Unfortunately we can't please everybody all the time and refusing to speak hard truth because it's hard, is cruel. I'd like to say I clear this high bar, but if I could I suppose it wouldn't be high enough.