Tinder: Part 1

   Swiping can no longer be adequately associated with petty theft or the ease of a credit transaction. Tinder has claimed the term as a recreational habit and constant casual opportunity to scorn or delight in the appearance and life summary of a person in 500 words or less. Online dating retained its taboo well after our bank statements had gone green and taxi companies had a reason to invest in a new business model. The flood gates holding us back from finding love online have burst thanks to the socialization of an app designed to take the paperwork and math out of matchmaking. Banks still have significant limitations across borders and Uber continues to battle for a place in major westernized cities but barring national internet regulation and an over-simplistic view of gender identity, individuals can connect with a simple swipe world-wide.

     Sitting in my car 45 minutes from home and unsure of meeting someone for the first time from an app, I received a discouraging message. After a number of genuine, engaging exchanges someone agreed to meet me. The ludicrous burden of playing God to decide the event and location of a first meeting fell to me for archaic reasons and 30 miles later she told me her age had been misrepresented. If a 5 year gap bothers you, try 8 with the promise that she's lied before. I decided to treat the situation as if my little sister needed a date to the prom and found myself in front of her duplex post knock. The fatherly bass tones of a large man struck me through the door as "who could that be?" illustrated my fears in magnificent technicolor.

     Minutes later she filled me in about the mystery knocker as I wandered the dark winding back pathways of a cookie cutter Thousand Oaks compound. I was decidedly uninterested in discussing curfews with her father prior to meeting this my second Tinder date and assured her it was not my knock but I'd be there soon. Deciding one lie breeds another I continued without shame and met her on the porch sans live-in father. The future is now and these are the scenarios we will soon expect as standard. LCDs light the faces of a generation disconnected straight down the bar as I write this. If all that seperates us from meeting someone who can change our Facebook posts from cute cat videos to conceited karat and cut qualifiers is contained in that illuminated square, I say swipe on.