Serial Dating

     Gaps in dating history should not be as concerning as the ones on your résumé. Though for whatever reason culture likes to shame the single into feeling wonky for taking a year off after that six semester trist you choose to remember as a growing experience. Getting back on the horse in pursuit of another fish right away leaves little time to process past failures, not to mention the undue strain placed on both animals. Failing to haiatus between commitments also leaves us pointing blame in the easiest direction, whether that's at ourselves due to low self-esteem or at our previous partner. Either way, spanning time is important for recognizing where the problems lie so we don't keep trying to fix what ain't broke while also rushing into the same tempting snares that stung us last time.

     What truly comes from a dating style that shares an adjective with killers and sophomore slumping podcasts? Serial dating teaches us to be codependent and worse can even force us to compartmentalize each relationship instead of drawing on previous experience to become a better person. On our second date she playfully accused me of mistaking her for someone else. Had I called her by the wrong name or recalled a conversation we never had, I'd understand, but she was anticipating a mistake. I asked about her experience in SLO where she said she'd gone to school and was corrected when she said "I'm from Maine". She was looking to catch me in a mistake and our conversation felt more like a wrestling match than it did a date.

     Spend enough time in the game and soon everyone you meet looks like a player. To be so consistently disappointed or perhaps do the disappointing yourself sets you looking for flaws or holes in a person's first impressions. But the truth is we act. We perform for people who don't know us yet by putting our best foot forward. Only our best foot is not a true representation of who we are and it takes a James Bond type to withstand a personality witch hunt. Whatever you bring to the dinner table, presumptions, fears, patience, they all pair well with time. Time to reflect and make the most of any previous experience.